New beginnings (Part 2)

You may recall the six steps to finishing something? Step number one: decide what you want.

So, here it is. Here's what I want. 

(Whew. It's a little uncomfortable to write this. 

It takes courage to say these things.)

 I want to be a writer. 

I know, eye roll, right? Everyone says that. They want to sky dive, they want to run a marathon, they want to write a book. Blah, blah, blah. But at this point, I don't even know if I want to write a book. I just know that I want to be a writer, and a writer is someone who writes--regularly. And, if I'm honest, I am a writer, but I want to be better.

Here's the thing: I don't want to write to be published (although what writer wouldn't want that?). I don't need to get paid to write (although I would happily accept money for my words). I don't want to write because I think it's a cool job (it's one of the hardest jobs I can imagine).

I want to write because I'm compelled to do it. 

It's a calling, 

a love-hate-joy-pain kind of gift that I can't shrug. 

It's not optional; I must write. 

It's in me. 

It's been in me for a long time, but that's a story for another day.

I'll be the first to say I have a lot to learn--like, a whole lot. And part of me hopes I always think that. The other part of me wants to get better, wants to find my voice, wants to gain confidence in creativity, wants to refine my craft.

Honesty moment. I'm freaking out a little right now. I'm completely insecure about putting this out there. I'm worried about what you'll think. I wonder if I even have it in me. I have this sinking feeling that this is just a whim, that I'll get all motivated and pumped up and "Yes! Let's do it!" and then in a few weeks or months or years it'll all fizzle out and mean nothing. I think all good writers have to give themselves regular pep talks to talk them down from lies like that. It takes a lot of courage to write (or to finish anything, for that matter).

What's tough about what I want is that I don't have a clear end goal (yet). I don't have a book I want to write or a magazine I want to be published in. I'm such a fledgling writer that those goals feel more burdensome than exciting. So, for now, I'm making some smaller, more realistic goals for myself. What are they? They're up next on the ol' bloggo, along with steps 2-4 (Imagine yourself finishing, Quit one thing, Make the DAILY choice). Stay tuned!