"I'm going to recycle more!"
"I'm going to use reusable bags everywhere I go!"
"I'm buying local!"
"I'm going to pause several times a day to make space for God!"
"I'm going to use tupperware and no more paper towels!"
"I'm going to block off a certain time for media!"
"I'm not shopping again!"
And then I got in my Jillian phase where I was all "I'm going to work out three days a week at 5 a.m.!"
I kind of hate that girl right now.
She was so on top of things and healthy and disciplined and perfect.
It's part of why reading other people's blogs is so hard for me because I start comparing myself to them and thinking "Gosh, I probably need to do whatever they're dong." Not good.
Maybe it was just the newness of January. Maybe it was the hopefulness of a new, undefiled goal, so new it couldn't be unmet yet. Whatever it was, it's gone now. Just about every part of it. I'm not sure what happened. Maybe just life? I just couldn't do it all all the time.
So I'm not exercising and I'm not pausing and I'm not buying less plastic, and I'm (gasp!) using paper towels. And here's the thing: IT'S OKAY. It's a season. Some days I need to choose other priorities over those things. Some weeks, I just need to buy easy meals so that we can eat together as a family and not experience the stress of trying to figure out what the hell to do with the overabundance of collard greens in my fridge. Some days, I need to spend time in the Word in the mornings more than I need to work out (and most mornings it can't be both). Sometimes, it's just worth the extra plastic to buy the onions pre-cut so that I can have dinner on the table in time. In other words, it's okay to be human--my mantra for my 30s.
It's also okay to shoot for the moon and make it, to be on top of things and disciplined and healthy. Those are really, really good things. In fact, I really, really want to get back to that and am taking some steps in that direction. But, for everything there's a season, and right now, I just don't have it all together. And that's okay.