Hello Goodbye

There was a trail through the woods to Missy's house, and we kept it clear by walking it at least once every day in the summers. When we were at her house, we played elaborate games of "teacher" and "library" and "grocery store"--really, anything that allowed at least one of us to feel grown up and in charge. We also made up some serious dance moves to her dad's old Monkees and Beatles records, although I'm afraid my dancing skills piqued at age eight. Every once in a while those songs push their way through my subconscious and out of my mouth before I know how they got there. It happened today, actually.

Halfway home from work--the last day of work for the foreseeable future after eight years of working--my mind was wandering, jumping from deep, nostalgic thoughts to more pressing, shallow ones, and I realized that I was singing--out loud--"Hello Goodbye." I don't think I've heard or sung that song in years, but there it was and the timing of it all made me laugh.

Today I turned in my keys, pulled out of my parking spot, and checked my work email and teacher box for the last time--things I've done every day for the past six years. Oh, I'm sure I'll be back to visit, but probably just once or twice next year. After that it'll just be weird; it won't be my place anymore. It'd be like going back to my alma mater: I love it, and there are parts of me all over that campus, but it's not mine anymore; it belongs to those young 18-year-olds who just discovered streaking in the outfield during a baseball game. Even though some of the best parts and years of me are at the school where I taught, it's not mine anymore, not after today. And most of me is okay with that. Most of me is relieved to slow down life's pace, to do fewer things and do them well, and, most importantly, to have more time with my son. But I'd be lying if I said today was completely easy because it wasn't.

Thank goodness for the Beatles who live in my subconscious and have a sense of humor. It was a "Hello Goodbye" kind of day. I'm not sure what to feel. I've never done this before. But what I can tell you is that I'm looking forward to spending the day with Moo tomorrow.

When we had been dating for about three months or so, I remember asking Phil where he thought our relationship was headed. In retrospect, it was kind of an intense question after just three months, but Phil navigated the super-planner in me with grace. He said, "I loved hanging out with you today, and I'm looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow. That's all we need to know right now." So, that's where I am. I loved hanging out with Moo this afternoon and evening, and I'm looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow. And I hope I never stop looking forward to seeing him.