The tale of the roaches, the rice, and the microwave giveaway

The following story is true. Be it understood that neither the husband nor the wife were at fault in this mishap and that the wife really is a good cook. The author would also like to recognize the uncanny resemblance this story has to the Seinfeld episode, "B.O."

Once upon a time, there was a kind young couple who were blissfully making dinner. But what seemed to be an ordinary, uneventful evening soon became one of the most humorous, bumbling nights of their lives.

Our story actually begins several years ago when the couple were first married. Just weeks after they had moved into their home together and had unpacked their belongings, two small roaches took up residence in their microwave display area. They were drawn in at night by the light of the microwave and found that they could crawl in through the holes in the back. However, what they did not realize was that once they made their way into the display area, there was no way out, and tragically, for both insect and human, the roaches died. Since the microwave was only weeks old, the couple couldn't justify throwing or giving it away, so they were forced to look at the roaches (affectionally called "Roachie") as they became more and more translucent. If nothing else, Roachie became a humorous conversation starter when guests came over to the house.

Now back to the couple making dinner. Earlier in the week, the wife had sent the husband to the grocery store with a very detailed list, including "a bag of brown rice." Not thinking that she needed to be more specific about the brand, she was slightly surprised to see "China Doll" brown rice when he arrived at home, but figured it would suffice.

This brown rice, however, took more time to cook on the stovetop than usual, so to save time, the wife followed the microwave instructions--exactly. "Cook for 30 minutes on 50%."

About 25 minutes into the micro-waving process, the wife began to smell something burning. Upon opening the microwave, she was greeted with billowing black smoke and yelled for the husband to take the bowl of rice outside, which he did with great heroism. The rice, however, was burned to a black crisp and created a smell that wafted through the entire neighborhood.

The couple spent the next several hours burning candles, boiling vinegar and cinnamon, plugging in air fresheners, and opening windows to shoo the smell out of the house. At last, they realized that it was simply time to admit that the microwave had lost the battle. They gladly set the microwave on the street, hoping that some unfortunate soul might pick it up, and then they were off to buy a new, clean, roach-free microwave!


Sure enough, just after an hour of heavy rain, some hoodwinked person picked up the microwave, much to the couple's delight. And that night, after washing their hair and clothes several times over, the couple went back to their blissful lives, free of roaches and China Doll rice. THE END.