Perplexed, but not driven to despair

New Year's Day marked an ending for me this year, not a beginning. After only four months of being diagnosed with stage four bile duct cancer, my dear friend of eight years passed away on January 1st. She left behind her two daughters, whom I've tutored/babysat/mentored since they were in middle school (now both in college).

So the last week and a half has been a flurry of emotions, activity, waiting, weeping, and carrying on with the regular business of life. I've sat in waiting rooms, kissed a cold brow, helped write a eulogy (my hardest writing assignment yet), edited an obituary, and helped the girls get settled into their new semester. Those are the last things I've wanted to do. And the only things I've wanted to do. Being allowed into someone's grief is so intimate and humbling and worthwhile, but it's exhausting. Add to that my own grief of losing such a dear woman and my world has been flipped around, brought into perspective, made no sense at all, and been fully anchored to Jesus all at the same time.

I don't know why God allows suffering, but I do know that He didn't omit Himself from it. He didn't spare His own Son from suffering on our behalf, and that knowledge brings me great comfort and awe in spite of being confused and hurt. I can't stop thinking of these these verses:

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed....So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18).

Like my previous post alluded to, I don't know what God is doing through all of this, but I trust that He's up to 10, 000 things I can't see. Heaven will be glorious for so many reasons. Come quickly, Lord Jesus!