Media fast: Part III

Over the weekend, I found myself thinking, "I can't wait for this fast to be over so I can watch my favorite shows and have some brainless down time again." Clearly, my heart still needs some work, so the fast is still on. In fact, this paring down of media--especially during the week--may just become a new norm. I like the simple, the time to reflect, the time with others, the slowing down, and as hard as it is not to crave brainlessness, there are more meaningful ways to unwind that surfing channels or the Internet--at least for me.

In an effort to avoid the easy temptation of legalism, Phil and I have watched some shows lately, but only when we've planned on it and when we've agreed to turn it off after one episode; we're done with killing time by just seeing what's on TV; we're done with distractions...or are trying to be.

With that said, I feel like my heart has a long way to go before it's longing to use that time to really commune with God, but, in His gentle and gracious way, God has met me this past week. Here's a preview:

• As strange as its sounds, God has allowed me NOT to sleep well or much this past week, but those wee hours have been some of the best reading/journaling/reflecting I've had all week. Tonight's one of those nights.
• Thanks to God speaking through Ann Voskamp's book, 1000 Gifts, I'm learning to find the beautiful and redemptive in the ugly and mundane. I'm struggling with nights like tonight when I'm awake at 1:45 a.m. and am learning to not let go of that moment until I meet God in it. It's such a discipline and goes against my natural tendency to complain, but I'm learning to replace complaining with gratitude, and it's been transforming.
• I'm learning more about my prayer life. Someone in Sunday school recently asked, "What dominates your prayer life?" My answer was two-fold: 1) praying for others and 2) praying for results. Neither of these is sinful in themselves, but they have the tendency to become so. For example, praying for others can become a way for me to avoid coming before God myself, avoid confession, avoid listening, avoid really opening myself up to Him changing me. Instead, I feel really good about myself for praying and praying for others and leave my time of prayer with a pat on the back but little actual communion with God. In the same way, praying for results ("Lord, heal ______'s marriage," "Lord, change _____'s heart," "Lord, help _____ go smoothly") causes me to miss the journey and the mess of the process, which is where God is. I miss the gifts and guts of now by praying for positive outcomes only.

In addition to more direct time with God through reflection/prayer/scripture/writing, I've also been able to enjoy life-giving activities like hanging pictures on the wall of baby boy's room (anticipation is such a gift), multiple walks with friends on late autumn afternoons, trying new recipes, finishing books and starting new ones, and dinners on the back deck with the hubs. Good things going on over here. I have a long way to go and my heart is still resistant, but I'm learning. And it's good.