Do you ever have those days where you feel like you have nothing left to give? Nothing at all? Days when you're completely depleted and everyone who's in your life needs you to pray, needs your advice, needs your help, needs you to come over, and you feel like you're the needy one and you have no idea how you can help at all? That's been my week. And then in the midst of feeling so helpless to help, God shows up and is strong--even when we don't stop to ask Him to be strong. Even when we've been so ridiculously busy and anxious about all kinds of things that we can't control, and even when we don't even pray, He shows up. He's so gentle that way, isn't He?My last week has been one big ball of anxiety. In fact, much of my life has been that way--something I wish weren't the case, but something that keeps me needing Him. I spent last week sleeplessly, waking up in the middle of the night and worrying about a gazillion things like:
- The 50 good pages I need to crank out on my thesis in the next three weeks
- Packing up all our stuff to move it to Birmingham this weekend
- Moving in with my parents for a few weeks
- Staying on top of the class I'm taking (in addition to the 50-page thesis)
- Studying for my comprehensive exam in June (again, on top of aforementioned class & thesis)
- Teaching a new subject next year and not having enough time this summer to prepare (or so I feel)
- And then all the daily things that won't even make this list
So it's been a week of sleep deprivation, a knotted stomach, a body that wants to move all the time just so I feel like something is being accomplished. And in the midst of all that useless flurry, God shows up. He sends me a young woman who wants to know about the gospel. He sends me the words of a hymn. He sends me Psalm 121. He sends me perfect timing on moving out of our apartment (and having someone move into our house for the EXACT days we need someone to be there before we move down). He is so gentle. So undeservedly gentle. And I'm grateful.
2 comments:
been trying to think for a few days how to respond to this post.
i love you, and am praying for you, and i know this doesn't make it better, but i can relate.
not on the same wavelength with school and stuff...but feeling that everyone in your life needs you, you're depleted, etc. i. hear. you. loud. and. clear.
thinking of you as you wrap up your time in chatt town. miss you and hope to see you this weekend.
Your post has been on my mind since I read it...
I haven't come up with the "perfect" response because I'm not sure there is one. Hang in there and thank you for the example of positivity and faith during a time of difficulty. It's cool to read!
AND I gave you an "award" today. Stop by my blog to check it out... :)
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