I went to the grocery store yesterday and realized that it was the first time I'd left my house in SIX DAYS. Holy. Freaking. Cow. I was going to leave several times, but then someone else threw up or I was too nauseated or I needed to sleep.
Six days, y'all. That's recluse material right there.
But as of (maybe) today, I think we're all well. Finally. The last few weeks have felt like a few months, and like I've been living in some alternate universe where we're the only family left on earth and my earth has shrunk to the size of my living room because that's where all the towels and trashcans have been gathered.
I've felt under God's thumb since Christmas, feeling like I can't catch break from sleeplessness or sickness or just plain hard days.
I feel absolutely afflicted.
But not crushed.
Completely perplexed by why all this would be happening so unrelentingly.
But not driven to despair.
(2 Corinthians 4:8-10)
Not much has gotten easier and circumstances aren't drastically different, but it's the strangest thing. In the affliction, I keep sensing the kindness of God. Not some sick sadistic "God's-pain-is-good" or a trite sweep, "God is teaching me so much through this hardship." It's more that I've sensed in small ways that while He hasn't taken away my difficulties, He also hasn't abandoned me. In fact, He's done the opposite: He's been holding me close. Our quarantine has brought depth and repentance to my marriage, simple, restful days and schedules, lots of opportunities for reflection and desperation, an opportunity to show myself needy to those around me, and sweet (albeit) sick time with my kiddos. And, in the Great Plan, Phil happened to be off this past week--something we eye-rolled back in November when he had to take this random vacation week. Silly us.
So I'm fragile, but sustained, and promise I'm done whining about sickness, at least this go-around. I have had a life. I've read a book! My kids have said/done hilarious things! I got hit on at the gym! Good stuff. But six days at home sick and my brain is still getting up to speed. Soon, people. Soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment